So this has been a long time in the making, but it finally starting to happen. Since I entered adulthood I have always struggled with problems what most people who are uncomfortable with the topic call "female problems". But they have made my adult life a living hell once a month. I suffer a great deal and at times can barley get out of bed. Safe to say, my life is put on hold when "its that time of the month". These past few months it's ALWAYS that time of the month!
On Tuesday I go in for my first of 2 surgeries. I am scared. Scared because its all about to come to an end. While that is an amazing thing, at the same time, what is going to happen to who I am? I am losing the main thing that makes me a woman. And while J and I decided while I was pregnant with our Moo that she would be our only child we would have together, and he got fixed, to me it was always something that could be undone if we wanted it and I was really okay with that.
So now that its me getting this done I am really wrestling with the emotions that it is bringing up. While I am going to rejoice in the fact that I am going to save money on not having to buy Midol, tampons and pads along with pull ups...I am sad, I will no longer get to have my PMS comfort food...lay around in sweats crying and watching chick flicks or even bitching about the cramps....
But this is what I wanted right?
I wish we were close enough that I could give you and hug and stay with you - physically - during this whole thing. I'm sorry all your "female troubles" have brought you to this point, but then again - you are still here! And that's the main thing that matters to me. I still have my best friend walking, talking, laughing and breathing on this earth.... and while I don't want to think of you being in any pain, I think (hope) that you will find your life is much more satisfying without all the monthly drama. You can still lay around weepy and dragging a bag of M&M's around with you.... you just don't really have to deal with the outcome like the rest of us still do - so there's something for us to envy. :) Love you - and I'll call you on tuesday (will your phone be back on by then?) I still need your address because I have something important to send you!
ReplyDeleteI had the first surgery and the coma sleep that they put me was wonderful, I don't remember a thing....other than waking up to the beeping of the heart rate and the nurses talking about the confussion of my heart rate not coming down givin the amount of pain meds I had in my IV....but I came home and have been trying to rest since then, all was well until today....the husband decides to test me, needless to say it hasn't been a good one!!
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